Monthly Archives: January 2014

I’m gonna start today.


bodypaint grily1 chippin 2

I’m gonna start today

my body needs me to

 

Little steps. Little steps

Ease in just so and slow

 

Images of languid stretches

down to the Earth up to the heavens

 

A prayer, a meditation,

a gentle I forget to give myself

 

Re-story the limitations I gave

They give no goodness

 

Give back strength to this body

To thrive in wholeness

 

All of me needs to embrace

All of me

 

Give to the pain what it needs

Loving gentleness in movement

 

Move this old girl.

Stretch her out

make her strong again

I’m gonna start today.

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Filed under BE HERE NOW, JOY

RESISTANCE


A prompt for the day from Laurie Wagner’s 27 days.  It is from an interview of hers with her friend Lisa Jones, author of the award-winning novel, Broken: a Love Story, a tale about Stanford Addison, a Northern Arapaho horse whisperer on the Wind River reservation in Wyoming.

Lisa speaks to the resistance that happens in the writing process.  As I imagine/see it, it can be resistance to any creative discipline.  It can simply be about being resistant to anything you desire to accomplish.  That resistance that happens when you wish to get something done, and avoidance rises up and chokes away any hope of getting to what you were on the edge of doing.

I let the feeling/thoughts of my own resistance sit with me this morning to see what words might roll and flow out of me.  This is what happened.

path in the clouds

A Pantoum about Resistance

 

I went to bed and woke up with resistance

There is little wonder of its insidious creep

It gets too much emotional time out of me

It is a fear that keeps me from the best of myself

 

There is little wonder of its insidious creep

The stop and go of resistance catches the breath

It is a fear that keeps me from the best of myself

There is an irresistible negative self fulfillment in it

 

The stop and go of resistance catches the breath

The very act of resisting it claws away at me

There is an irresistible negative self fulfillment in it

The only way out is letting it in in the do it anyway

 

The very act of resisting it claws away at me

I’m bleeding from the lash of resisting it or not

The only way out is letting it in in the do it anyway

The day can have me doing it scared or not

 

I’m bleeding from the lash of resisting it or not

It gets too much emotional time out of me

The day can have me doing it scared or not

I went to bed and woke up with resistance

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Filed under ANN ARBOR, BE HERE NOW, BIRTH. LIFE. DEATH, EARTH CHANGES, EYES WIDE OPEN, pantoum, WRITER'S PROMPT

Full of Self in the repeat.


Prompt for today #4… Self trust: curiosity that leads to making the channel open to receive, to listen deep, to pay attention to your own creative voice and process.  To move with spaciousness that allows it all to come together in the journey of being Full Of Self.

 

Being Full of Self is not that selfish kind of negative thinking  that comes from a lack of worth, low self esteem, and the feeling that you aren’t enough as you are.

Being Full-of-Self holds and honors the fullness of your heart, and spirit to All that you can be, All that is the components of the wonder that is you, in the ever present Universe of creation unfolding as it always will.  You unfolding as you will, and as you allow that creative force to move with and through you, you find the joy and pleasure of seeing/feeling the moments of living as a caress to your soul.

hair as milky way“There was a little girl who had a little curl, right in the middle of her forehead.  And when she was good, she was very very good.”…  And when she was bad she was perfect..

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The re-peat.  Saying it from the “I”.   Letting ‘the preach’ be felt within me. Can you feel the difference?

Being Full of Self is not that selfish kind of negative thinking that comes from a lack of worth, and low self esteem, and the feeling that I AM not enough as I am.

Being Full of Self holds, and honor the fullness of MY heart, and spirit to All that I can be, To All that is the components of the wonder of Me, in the ever present Universe of creation unfolding as it always will.  I am unfolding as I will, as I allow that creative force to move with and through me, I find the joy and pleasure of seeing/feeling the moment of living as a caress to MY soul.

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Filed under EYES WIDE OPEN, GRATITUDE, MAGICAL THINKING, SPIRITUAL

“I think I’m gonna Scream”.. prompt 3


prompt for today…

Describe a moment when the dull drone of a conversation is completely consumed by the utter boring chatter about something you not only don’t care about AT All, and you really aren’t even sure what they are talking about about, and you think perhaps you might just scream. 

As prompts go for me, I’m not even sure that I write about the prompt, only that I’m moved by some piece of it that rises up and needs me to write it.  This is what came up for me. And BTW, this Is fiction.  Incase you were wondering.

clone2~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dig in to the compassion bag

Pull up the open heart

Flip on a smile like a Light

in this dark cave of endless

self pity that might glimmer

a little joy in the drone of his

20 years of unrequited grieving.

 

Look at the faded smile of her

gaunt face surrounded by

three sad little children in a cluster

huddled around her. A wallet album

of two decades ago showing the faded

journey of her slow relentless dying

Every picture turns a crush of the heart

 

It’s not like I don’t care  in that way

that humans care when suffering

of the heart shrouds another human

in the presence of a moments despair.

And the on and on of grief tugs hard

at the heart in hopes of a sweet fix

for a fellow traveler.

 

There is no pretend that there is want

for an end to this story, these pictures,

this old ramble that finds no silence

except mine in the sitting here listening

over coffee hoping this unbearable moment

will end soon before the rude in me rises

in a quiet inner scream with interruption

and Mr. Sad and Pathetic

again, gets no second date

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Filed under BE HERE NOW, BIRTH. LIFE. DEATH, WRITER'S PROMPT

‘Outta Here’ prompt #1


I joined a little group for 27 days of prompts.  This is the first prompt (in green) .  The poem below it is where it all took me.  It isn’t where I thought it would go and I let be.

“  Outta Here…

You know that feeling when you’re driving and you realize, My god, if I keep going, if I pass my own exit, I’ll be in Mexico by morning. They won’t even know I’m gone – it’ll take hours before anyone starts asking questions. New life, bring cash, get an apartment, better yet, a cottage behind someone’s house, keep a low profile, make up a new name, start over, begin again. Go. Write. Get off at the next exit. Where does your new life take you?”

DSCN0107

Outta here…

 

Outta here is a familiar road traveled

It’s been a run away that wasn’t always

Isn’t always about asphalt or some degraded

Back road lead by a compass to no-where-in particular

 

Outta here runs the emotional gambit

To an overwhelm that rises up and gasps

And grasps at the air for some leverage

How do you hold on to your breath and live?

 

Outta here leaves hurt hearts and confusion

A trip no one welcomes when the face of reality

Begs for clarity and a wonder of what wasn’t

Enough in the conversation that didn’t happen.

 

Outta here might allude to some sunny sky

And the wind catching in your hair just right

Or maybe the scenery makes no demands

Other than to consume it with your eyes

 

Outta here from where the starting place

Clawed for the ‘gotta get outta here right now’

With a slammed door or worse a silent exit

Has a short life of breeze and ease

 

Sooner or later the destination comes

And Outta Here is right here where you are

Where you’ve always been with yourself

And you didn’t get anywhere far or fast

 

Only a little while of false freedom

Cause you’re never free till your heart

Gives it truth and the Outta Here is

Always really about going In Here deep

 

Where you really wanted to go

And got all scared and worried

Imagining that the only way in was out

When the only way Outta here is In.

 

 

 

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Filed under ANN ARBOR, BE HERE NOW

WINTER’S COLD ARMS


DSCN7554

Winter pulls me into his cold arms

Rocks me down to my roots

Where the sap of me slows

And slows some more in the freeze

into a still quiet place moving

 

Sustainability holds to the early harvest

When Winter finds no green

Loving the austerity of blank and bare

Naked to the lie the Sun tells in this season

 

The need to tend to a warm light

comes from the inside out in this

Winter’s cradle of bitter chill

In the rocking back and forth

 

A slow sway to shimmer the glow

While Winter has his season

And the best is to have gathered enough

food and light to make it through

 

 

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18/01/2014 · 9:13 am

Winter silence… haiku


IMG_3442

 

Flakes fall soft in breeze

Slow to find a place to rest

Winter loves his chill

 

Winter loves his chill

Let’s the Sun give His deceit

Blue and gloom collide

 

Blue and gloom collide

Chasing each other in season

Sharing the same sky

 

Sharing the same sky

Winter needs his gloom and blue

Keeps to silent rest

 

Keeps to silent rest

Deep in Earth renewal waits

Flakes fall soft in breeze

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Filed under ANN ARBOR, full moon, HAIKU, michigan, NATURE, WINTER.

Fourteen January, Two Thousand and fourteen… a pantoum.


hair as milky way

My own little Milky Way… Infinite Spaciousness.

This day begins my New Year.

How will you make way for more spaciousness in your Life?

This days numerology adds up to 13, which in tarot cards is the Death card.  No need to quiver and shake over that cause what it means is that it is a year of endings, letting go, surrendering, making space, Transformation.  There is renewal in the Death card.  There is a giving back to the Earth, there is a burn away for the Phoenix to rise, a giving up to the great wide sea of life to be taken away by the moving tides for refreshing, there is an inhale that gives way to an exhale, and does that all over again as the winds of change clear the air, to give way to a more expansive view.  Letting in More Spaciousness.  All the elements converge as the scythe comes to clear away what needs clearing.

I choose  Spaciousness this year to dedicate myself to.  I do that some years; give myself to a word that evokes a feeling, and opportunity, a little magic in the pot of my life to get stirred up and danced with.

Spaciousness: I like how those three syllables roll off my tongue and the imagining of all that vastness I surrender myself up to.  Getting rid of ‘stuff’, body, mind and spiritually for that spaciousness to Be.   Feeling my heart expand for more space to be loved and give love.   More space to move around in.  More space to feel the Oneness of us all.  The connection of Heaven and EArth and All that IS.

 

Making spacious the heart and mind’s reception

The mind has a way of containing great wonder

Give way to the Heart’s quiet voice speaking

Let the Story told be one of love’s tender choice

 

The mind has a way of containing great wonder

What use is the bound box in the withholding

Let the story told be one of love’s tender choice

Release the confines of negative thinking

 

What use is the bound box in the withholding

Held silent and secret in cloistered thought

Release the confines of negative thinking

Make way for a story that speaks to an expansive life

 

Held silent and secret in cloistered thought

Give way to the Heart’s quiet voice speaking

Make way for a story that speaks to an expansive life

Making spacious the heart and mind’s reception.

 

 

 

 

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Filed under ASCENSION, BE HERE NOW, DEATH, GRATITUDE, pantoum

Spaciousness and being a birthday girl


Eegads… One more day, dang, less than 24hours, double dang, and I will embrace a new year of living on this planet.  Birthdays come ever so quickly as age settles in… don’t they?

I look in the mirror and see the me that I have become visually, with my shorter white hair coiffed in a tousle made in a semi-deliberate fashion, with the occasionally wisp of purple or pink or maybe blue in that tease of curl at my forehead.

Behind my ‘trendy’ framed glasses, my once vivid dark brown eyes have a soft cool halos of cloud circling them.   A wrinkle fest has slowly developed around those eyes that still hold a spark of clever in them.   I can see them and thank the Goddess for the wit that still flames out from them.

 

IMG_2765There’s flaws and spots that have found scattered permanence on my face.  I celebrate the wonder of a good foundation to soften and even my skin tone.

The lips have yet to have those vertical wrinkles typical of being over 60.  AND, When I lift those lips in a smile my best feature sparkles out.  My smile, it’s a good one.  A gift really.  Good teeth and a little something’ something’.  It has been complimented on by hundreds of people and I Am Grateful.  It holds itself proud and I like to share it often.

The days of the good horizontal now tend to embrace the pull of the vertical gravity.  Damn it.

Not too many horizontal wrinkles on the forehead, that’s good.

Dare I go just below the chin?  Damn it.  Shit.  Looky there will ya.  That’s where the nature of my face slides to.  It’s all I can do not to give a gobble gobble gobble and cluck to the way my flesh gives a prominent sag and jiggle. A droopy chunk of fat flesh… It’s all I can see when I have a bad day.  It’s all I can see and I want it gone.   And there it is.  It’s all I can see.

I’m not even going to go below my tits and say a word about that.  You don’t want to hear any of that.

With that said, I choose to not let gravity pull at my visuals endlessly, to drag my illusive stories about what is and isn’t in to being.  I get to choose the story I have about how I look, feel, experience my world.  I GET TO ChOOSE.  Thank God.  Really, cause to forget that I get to make up another story about it all would pull me into some dark hell, and leave me victim to all that negative  self-talk about my poor sagging ass and that frickin’ sorry looking flap of flesh below my chin.    That  Is NOt how my Truth seeks it’s Heaven.   Heck, I’m a story teller, let me make it a good one.

The best of me is in the unseen.  I like to think that’s where everyone’s best  is nestled.  The deeper self beyond the physical facade of our bodies that gives a certain surface story.   Never the full story.  A full story comes with getting to know me, you, anyone.  Beyond all the wrinkles, the belly rolls, the little fade of the eyes, the crimp of the flesh, the sag of the breast, the veins in the legs.  Beyond all that surface stuff that youth and age give tale to.

My best self tries to  embrace  the journey of life, in the predictability of how age takes it’s toll on the body.

Best to not worry about the next 20/30 years cause there’s the luck of having that much time let in the breathing.  No knowing that.

It’s Happy Birthday time and there is struggle in seeing that face in the mirror fading.  Turn that noise down so I can hear ‘My best self’ remind me I am ageless and perfect as I am.  I am the best of what I am right now.  I will forever in some way or another vibrate out there in the Infinite Universe with or without a body.  It’s what energy does; changes form.

It’s Happy Birthday to me and I’m good right now.  Full of gratitude for my family and friends, my work, my creativity.

I’ve decided the word for ‘my New Year’ is spaciousness.  Ridding myself of what doesn’t serve my life, inhibits my life, fills up too much of my life so there is Spaciousness in my breath, in my movement, in my inhabiting this body.    Big Breath… Exhale.  AGAin.

Spaciousness.  that’s what I will be about this year.

 

 

 

 

 

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Filed under AGING, BE HERE NOW, JOY, MAGICAL THINKING

A Fire On Your Skin… A Pantoum


heart n pink hand N FLAMESlittle

The spirit of it leaves a fire on your skin

Longing for the rain to come

The days have a way of being so dry

Smelling the moist in the passing clouds

 

Longing for the rain to come

See the grey gloom gather in the east

Smelling the moist in the passing clouds

Inside it pours, outside, so arid dry

 

See the grey gloom gather in the east

Strip down naked raw

Smelling the moist in the passing clouds

Vulnerable, scared you do it anyway

 

Strip down naked raw

The days have a way of being so dry

Vulnerable, scared, you do it anyway

The spirit of it leaves a fire on your skin

 

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Filed under ASCENSION, BE HERE NOW, NATURE, pantoum, SPIRITUAL