Because it seems the New Year ‘should’ start off with positive vibes and the joy of embracing what comes next, this poem, maybe a bit unsettling, and it still holds to the possibility that there is 95% of joy waiting to be released.
The day/year did start hard. For me, this welcomes the possibility of finding the soft, joyful edges, the willingness to notices insensitivities and the letting go of righteous surety.
In the dedication of this poem, I give it to the elements: Fire to burn away what doesn’t serve, Air to bring in a breeze of clarity and goodness, Earth to ground and center, and Water, to sooth and wash away the old debilitating hurts of long ago. Spirit comes to give the loving prayer.
5% of hard lays a weary sigh
draped in grey judgments on
the passing of how morning
gave rupture to the new day
of a new year in an elongated
moment of fearfulness longing
to be held to heart and loved .
There is wonder in how the 95%
of pleasure and goodness
shuffles to the back of the heart
guarding the opening.
Of how self forgiveness trembles
in a fetal flop against old bones
cradling the sorrows repeat,
against the slow drip of
self inquiry’s harshness
Self defense gives no protection
When there is nothing ever to
defend in that self righteous
agrimony fueling insecurity.
Maybe not quite sensitive enough
to let the way of how she blows
and shivers out those fears
in awkward self suspension.
Of a damage so long ago
given and held in those cells
echoing a call to how you’re never
enough in the no matter what.
Struggling to be whole
To be more than 5% of something
hard that crawls over the 95% of something
soft and good to a lay a win on what is
so much less than the total of wonderful,
mighty, courageously full of joy.
May the new year heal
the hard hurt
May the new year unravel
the fearful heart
May the new year reveal
that you are enough