A REMEMBRANCE

I had no good byes for you just your name on my altar
Our reckoning happened long ago with so much pain
It was a hard forgiveness in the way-back-then
That came easy once my heart gave to that spaciousness
And compassion paid my soul a visit asking for everything
There could be nothing less than that full surrender 
Nothing less that a complete turn to Love no matter what

I leaned fully into those tender arms of absolution
Betraying expectations desire to have to have it returned
To have to make an equal exchange of emotional fairness
Covered with all  Sunny sparkle and pop-up love emojis 
I did it for me on behalf of a deeper love that rose
in the giving, in the let go, in the instant of full clarity

Like the Sun came and burned my insides clean of that hurt
An unexpected Phoenix rising from the death of a long ago
Child wound dissolving away in the ocean of my heart
That vastness makes me quake and wonder of this truth
Beating gently in the center of my chest, a steady pulse 
A'Yes' set free in the never have to go around again

I will alway remember you.  You were my first paradox  
Rest in peace

 copyright. jeanne adwani