Category Archives: dease lake

5% of hard.


Because it seems the New Year ‘should’ start off with positive vibes and the joy of embracing what comes next, this poem,  maybe a bit unsettling, and it still holds to the possibility that there is 95% of joy waiting to be released.

The day/year did start hard.  For me, this welcomes the possibility of finding the soft, joyful edges, the willingness to notices insensitivities and the letting go of righteous surety.

In the dedication of this poem, I give it to the elements:  Fire to burn away what doesn’t serve,  Air to bring in a breeze of clarity and goodness, Earth to ground and center,  and Water, to sooth and wash away the old debilitating hurts of long ago.  Spirit comes to give the loving prayer.IMG_2870

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

5% of hard lays a weary sigh
draped in grey judgments on
the passing of how morning
gave rupture to the new day
of a new year in an elongated
moment of fearfulness longing
to be held to heart and loved .

There is wonder in how the 95%
of pleasure and goodness
shuffles to the back of the heart
guarding the opening.
Of how self forgiveness trembles
in a fetal flop against old bones
cradling the sorrows repeat,
against the slow drip of
self inquiry’s harshness

Self defense gives no protection
When there is nothing ever to
defend in that self righteous
agrimony fueling insecurity.
Maybe not quite sensitive enough
to let the way of how she blows
and shivers out those fears
in awkward self suspension.

Of a damage so long ago
given and held in those cells
echoing a call to how you’re never
enough in the no matter what.
Struggling to be whole
To be more than 5% of something
hard that crawls over the 95% of something
soft and good to a lay a win on what is
so much less than the total of wonderful,
mighty, courageously full of joy.

May the new year heal
the hard hurt
May the new year unravel
the fearful heart
May the new year reveal
that you are enough
and loved

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Filed under BE HERE NOW, dease lake, New Year poetry resolutions.

THe Blue Jay… a phantom, pantoum.


BlueJay-2

In the still bitter chill of the winter white

Busy is the Blue Jay  in his taking

Naked limb to naked limb dancing

Squawking for the spare of this season’s bounty

Busy is the Blue Jay in his taking

Watching his big want for so little

Squawking for the spare of this season’s bounty

And the Lake gives her flat stare to the grey sky

Watching his big want for so little

In the day rise of cold grey austerity

And the Lake gives her flat start to the grey sky

The only flick of blue is this bird flitting

In the day rise of cold grey austerity

A blue bird relentless in his scavenge

The only flick of blue is this bird flitting

Perched am I watching from frosted window

A blue bird relentless in his scavenge

Naked limb to limb dancing

Perched am I watching from frosted window

In the still bitter chill of winter white

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Filed under BE HERE NOW, dease lake, michigan, pantoum, WINTER.

The end of New Year’s Resolutions in the BE HERE NOW…


winter morning, at The Dease

The New Year approaches, in the traditional sense, on this coming eve of 31 Dec. Contemplation of resolutions, imaginings of the coming year, hopes and dreams, shifts and changes, the maybe’s and the might bes;  Lots of pondering is given to how ‘Resolution’ might feel/look/be experienced in the coming year.

RE-Solution.  A solution that is started again.  The ‘re’ gives the word that invitation.  What wasn’t solved previously, might now be ’re’instated and given another try. Right?   Let’s resolve what might not have been stated right the first time.

RE-solve, consider how you might make a better solution for the coming year, or solve what might not have been solved these last days or months from the previous try.  Start all over again at the beginning of this year 2014, and see if a better solution might make for a better outcome this time, maybe solve what has yet to be solved.

I’m not big on ‘resolutions’.  Not for not wanting to have the stick-to-itiveness for every previous resolve I have put my intention toward no matter what time of year I made them.  NO, it’s what I do to myself when I fail.  Cause, at some point, for me, I fail.  I might not even fail very much, if I made the resolution around drinking more water every day, or something I’m likely to do every day anyway.  Nope, for me it’s those resolves that I declare nearly every day, forget just the beginning of the year: EAt right, exercise  more, slow down, find more patience, write everyday,  help save the planet, be the most wonderful person in the whole entire wide world.

I hit the ground running like a I’m gonna stick to the statements I feel resolute to, and I declared would be what I’m going to do for the year, Hell, for my whole life and sooner than later I get lax, “Oh not today”, or “ I’ll get to that later” or, “I’m sick of being patient for that shit”.  You get my drift here.   It’s all so set up for failure this New Year’s Resolution business.  Who started it anyway?  Why only at the New Year?

For those of you that either know me, or for those of you that have read my previous ramblings, you have probably noticed I have an obsession for the ‘Be Here NOw’.  So, resolutions are for sure destined to snare the Be here now right out of you.  All that projection of what will be in the future, all that ‘stuff’ you’re going to do starting in the next few days, that you’ve been NOT doing, or doing with little enthusiasm, and you Still feel the ‘ought, shoulda,’ continuums of failure to make them your new, self imposed habits.  Doomed.  You ARE pulled right out of the Now, busy worrying about what is to come in your new fervor to be resolute on some future something-or-other.

Why not make it easy on yourself and take it all moment to moment, in lil’ iddybitty steps?  What’s with the grandiose declarations that are doomed for failure that you are contemplating this very moment that I’m writing this rant?  What about right here, right NOw, you release all that imposition of resolutions and declare this year, a year of BE HERE NOW.  Free yourself up to make each moment what ever that moment offers.  Which isn’t to say that you don’t make plans, or you don’t initiate intentions, or you don’t let that creative, active mind of yours have a free for all.  NO, it simply means (IMO) that you let go of searching the past for what did or didn’t work, (that’s done) ease out of what the future might or might not be, (cause you really have NO frickin’ idea) and let the pleasure of settling into each moment with joy and innocent wisdom.  Drink from the cup of NOw and Be.  Breathe into this moment, and let what you know guide you.  Resolve some goodness in this very moment.  Join me in making each moment a good one, cause you can.  Tomorrow is a mystery, and a few moments ago is done.

In this moment.  I love.  I feel the gentle expanse of my heart for my family and loved ones.  I miss my dog.  The winter white and chill is glorious as the day rises.  I feel safe and warm, and loved.  My ‘NOw’ is an attitude and heart of letting in as much goodness as I can.  I get to choose how I embrace each moment. even if the moments have struggle and strife, even despair, I get to choose my emotional relationship to them.  Right now… mmmmm… love, coffee, and winter white at The Dease.

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Filed under BE HERE NOW, dease lake, JOY, LOVE, MAGICAL THINKING, michigan