Tag Archives: aging

writing for 45 minutes, 4 Feb 2015 A GIANT RAMBLe AbOuT aging.



This is a bleary picture of me at my 67th birthday.  Bleary is good.  LOL.

Ok… here it goes.  this is what happens in 45 minutes when I sit to write.  little if no editing.


There is an age you reach where the thought of how many years you have left to live is something you decided you’re not going to consider.  There isn’t half as much left anymore.  Maybe not even a third as much.

Middle age has passed, even the “new middle age” has passed.  ( Who determined that anyway?) and the hope for a new middle age, if we live to 150, is unlikely.

How many years have ya left  if you’re over 60 and counting?  That’s right people over 60, not so many.  AND, it’s a good idea to get good with that, and not calculate to often out into the not-so-far decade away or so, cause that can roll you over on your back like bad dog and make you feel all kinds of vulnerable.

And, how about how time is going REALLY fast.  Wasn’t it just Christmas last week?  Is it only 6 weeks till Spring? Thank God for that.  It will be Spring tomorrow and you’ll wonder, “Didn’t winter fly by?”

I’m a Hairdresser/Artist. I look in a mirror all day long at you and me, watching myself and you age.  And… I’m going to work till my hands can’t move and I’m cutting myself more than your hair.  I know that sounds scary and grim.  And we both know that’s not gonna happen like that, right?

And, how can I imagine retirement?  I am not one that has embraced the journey of retirement in those traditional ways: saving, gathering, etc. etc.  I live to the full extent of my existence in the moment; saving little and celebrating  life moments as they present themselves.  Really, it’s all a gamble, and I have been called to the gamble of BE HERE NOW. (Thanks Ram Das)

When I get off the train of ‘Now’, a little bit of terror creeps in.  I hate terror.  Who likes it?  NO One.  That terror involves questions and sentences like this running through my head…

“What are you thinking? You have no retirement, no real extra cash, no children to buffer you, (I never wanted children, so that one isn’t really relevant).   You live by the seat of your pants and you’re getting old.  Your knees hurt, you got stuff that you can’t identify that comes and goes.  WHAT the fuck are you thinking you old geezer girl?  You’re gonna have to just drop dead one of these days and hope it doesn’t hurt too much and there is no lingering.  And that no one will have to coddle and fawn all over your dying pathetic body for too damn long.”

I let myself have these’s projections.  They happen more than I like to have them happen.  Then I look around as all that I have that I am grateful for, and let those pleasures and joys fill me up and push away the fear.  Future stuff has yet to happen and why linger there?  I have no idea.  Do YOU?  What good is it to fall prey to what we thing is going to happen as opposed to what is happening right now?  How can we make that good? WE have the power to change our attitude right now.

None of us get outta here alive in the physical sense of things for sure.  My spiritual path says I am an Infinite Being and Love is all there is. (Me and the Beatles are tight)   With that said, I’m having some trouble with this aging thing.  I do not wish to linger in the negative zones of that ‘thing’ as it creeps in to smother my good humor and well being.

Don’t think for one minute I am above having a good ol’ face lift.  It’s a respectable thing to do.  And we have the science and the Way to get looking younger, like how we feel inside.  I feel 30.  I do!  How about you?  And that face in my mirror is not a face of a 30 year old. NO it isn’t.  Graceful.  Nice one.  Gracefully aging.  I’m trying.  I am, I mean it.  And if I had the money to spare, I’d get a little nip n’ tuck.  I hope you still honor and respect me for these wants of mine.

My 45 minutes is almost up.  Thanks for listening.  You are kind.  Now you know a little more about me and how getting old sucks on some levels and is wondrous on others.

Here are the wonders.

I know a lot of shit.  And I have lots of wisdom

I’m still highly creative

I believe in magic.  I always have

I love my friends and family

I know I am loved deeply.

I am still learning things everyday

I love life

I think the Seasons are glorious even when I complain of too cold or too hot

The Earth is magical

I am a Mystery unfolding

I love feeling 30 inside this 67 year old body.

There is fabulousness in living in the moment.

I close with giving you a Haiku


Bringing in my Breath

Wonder and magic fills me

Dancing on the edge




Life’s Weather … Haiku

Wisconsin sky

Winter’s best gave birth

Bound to white and freeze a wail

Sun makes for glitter


Sun makes for glitter

Youth storms and calms joyously

Many paths Spring green


Many paths Spring Green

Life lust wanders earth’s mystery

Be Here Now Be here


Be Here Now Be here

A landscape lush and fertile

Outer seeks inner


Outer seeks inner

Green gives of her abundance

Magic gives to blooms


Magic gives to blooms

Starry nights take the Sunlight

Autumn carpet ride


Autumn carpet ride

Green embraces her spicy

Breath takes in the shift


Breath takes in the shift

Edges of Winter slow to rest

Silence whispers yes






Leave a comment


The Age of a Day


Slip into the day awakening

Of morning in her coral yawn

Of Autumn Sun rising

Of sky with dabbled clouds

Afloat in blue.


It started that way in the no breeze of stillness.  A calm of no movement of branch or leaf.

A morning that flirts with blue sky and sunny possibilities. Only to meld the dabbled clouds

In one blank shade of grey that smells of rain that must be given.


And so it gives in sprinkles that spat in a slow giving that made way for the afternoon to chill.

Of falling acorns that riddle the roof with the scamper of squirrels that make ready a season

Tucking into the cozy of hearth to laze the day in comfort.


As slow as it goes the speed of life picks up as age becomes of many decades lived.

Where youth took her time to unfold in the waiting forever for what was next to come

It comes faster now as the ever after calls from Infinity’s landscape


Afloat in blue

of sky with dabbled clouds

Of  Autumn Sun rising

Of morning in her coral yawn

Slips into the day wakening.



Leave a comment


the getting easier in the getting older


In the ‘getting easier’ in the growing older

In the way the mind gives to forgetting

In the aches that rise from how the body

gets used over time and over time again


In how the ‘getting easier’ in the growing older

seeks to melt away old history settled deep

In the melancholy of remembering the forgettable

In the roll in and out of what comes in uninvited


In how the ‘getting easier’ in the growing older

Gives no permission in the insistence of the past

On that old landscape that needs to be plowed up

Turned over and sowed with wild seed every day


In the ‘getting easier’ in the growing older

count on any and all attachments to make it harder

In those places that still need forgiving

In the aches that formed from betrayals


There is no ‘getting easier in the growing older

In the hold on, hope to, maybe this time histrionics

that eats at your joy and caresses your lonely

In the hold over of what needs ending and sending off


what needs ending and sending off

for the ‘easier’ to not be so hard?











I went and saw  The Exotic Marigold Hotel.  I loved it.  Truly a good geezer movie.   I realized that I certainly do not want to be one of the invisible old ones that people think don’t have desire, or passion, or the drive to be the best that we can each and every moment.  Seeing the beauty  and wisdom in the aging process, when nature has her way with us and our beauty shifts to wrinkles and sags.  That that inner beauty we are quick to tell the youth about is truly within us and that We are part of the Divine expression of what ever is God, or Source, Or Oneness, or Goddess, or Nature…

Geezers of the World Unite.  We are beautiful and wise, and have so much to share.


Each wrinkle moved like a wave

In unison with her giggle

Her snicker was a ripple

on the shore of her old body


And when she really gave in

To a belly full of laughter

Every part of her shimmered

And shook in ruffles of old ribbon


And the lace of her eighty plus decades

Were as detailed as the hands

That tatted them in a dexterous

flow of a life intricate and beautiful


I watched the ripples and waves of her

Held to the story of a bright yesterday

Of a life well lived found in this moment

She wore her history in wrinkled time


Her youth still a sea of desires passion

Held within the wrinkled times and

Decades of yesterdays, that in this

moment bubble like lava to her surface


She is the girl she has always been 

She is the wise woman of living long

She is the wrinkled wave of love that kisses your shore

She is forever the shimmer of passions want





1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized


9  nov 2011   >     6/15   >    Lovers/Devil


How do you honor and love yourself; body, mind, and spirit?

What do you find interesting about the fact that ‘devil’ is ‘lived’ backwards?

What will you do today that serves your friends and family?


Nanowrimo… day 9.  I’m behind big time.  And.. I’m movin’ along not giving it a worry.  I’m workin’ it.  

The rain is gentle this morning.  Peaceful. I could slip right back into the bed and let it drift me back to dreamland.  My inner clock still follows the same rhythm of defined time as before the day gained an hour.  My circadian beat is a powerful thing.  

~~~~~~      !!!!!!      ~~~~~~      !!!!!!


Sippy the coffee on my circadian beat

Wind up the inners so to follow my feet

Tappy dance the day with a whole lotta glee

Imagine the health of my poor old knees


It doesn’t take much to put on a smile

Sippy the coffee in my morning style

Imagine the wonder of living the life

Doing what I love dismissing the strife


I get a kick outta making a rhyme

For me it makes for a silly good time

Sippy the coffee, Lucky ol’ me

Feelin’ my belly laugh with a big He He.


What do ya think, what do ya know

Howz the rhymin’ of you on the go

Finding the pleasure in the wee lil’ things

Dump all the angst with a spirited fling


Doesn’t make sense not to have a good time

Doesn’t make sense not to give life a rhyme

It’s in the giving that life is it’s best

Lovin’ and laughin before death gives you rest


So sippy the coffee, tappy those dancin’ feet

Welcome your living, make life a big treat

For all is now and now be the all

Now is what cha got so answer joy’s call











1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized


26  sept  2011    >  21/12/3    >  Universe/hanged one/Empress


What crossroad are you at and what way will you choose?

If you are upside down, what does the world look like?

What/whom have you excluded that you might re-consider?


Battered, bombed, pelted… Oh My… The old, extraordinary tall Oaks that make their stand in my yard are releasing their Acorns with the help of mad little squirrels.  Imagine a hail of golf balls pummeling your roof with every gust of rainy wind.  I MEAN… Pummel, batter, bomb.  Sleep was near impossible. It was clear that my bedroom had a target directly positioned above my head.  This is a first for me.  Bastards.

Thanks for listening.

~~~~    !!!!    ~~~~    !!!!    ~~~~    !!!!


The trick is in the ‘Old Dog’

they learn well if they have too

Days of jumping through the fire hoop

catching the toss in the air

rolling over for some idiot’s want

that maybe gone, ignored, dismissed

certainly executed in a new way.


Old Dogs sit, roller over, catch the ball

they like their food and drink

Some play well together, some don’t

Some will lick you all over if you let them

Some will nip your ass hard for a fight

Some will bring you the daily news

Some will bring their old chewed bone


Old Dogs want new tricks

keeps them young, limbered up

rough n’ ready for a new day

Sasses their curiosity up a notch

gives a wink to a pretty girl

a smile to a handsome man

dresses up their interior with some color


There is a trick in that Old Dog

waiting for you to toss them a bone

waiting for you to remember their youth

waiting to charm a smile out of you

waiting to jump through one more fire hoop 

waiting for you to notice they ain’t dead yet


Teach an Old Dog a new trick and

see what happens.









1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized





24  august 2011  >  18/9   >  moon/hermit







 Can you name three things that the moon symbolizes for you?

How do you wish to be ‘seen’, and is that happening?

Where will you shine just a little more light in your world?



Seems dreamland is visiting me lately.  I use to dream vividly ever night for years.  Kept a dream journal, was part of a dream group… I was dreaming in technicolor; full of symbolism and great stories.  Hormones shifted that.  So it with great welcome I invite them back.  I miss my night dreams.  I think I should do a ‘woo woo’ dance in celebration.  What is your dream world like?


^^^   >>>   ^^^   >>>   ^^^   >>>


Should life lead my memory away from me

I buried my stories beneath my skin

laid them in bright ink 

to shine on my surfaces 


My story is writing in pictures and flash

symbols of a journey taken

a history spoken to in ink

cameos of life lived vividly


To define the why of it is for me only

I can caress your curiosity 

or your want for explanation

with your looks and stares


My journey didn’t include you

It didn’t try to exclude you

stories are for the telling

the truth can be tricky


Living art is a life of wonder

the why of the pain is ours

the results give pleasure

see beyond the surfaces


When my days are numbered

n’ inks fades with my mind

This ‘exotic bird’ I am

will fly the wind to heaven





Filed under Uncategorized


“If you believe it you will see it”


11  August 2011   >   14/5   >   Alchemy/Hierophant


What seems impossible that you can make probable?

What’s your next step?

How will you serve your spiritual life?


The heat breaks at last.  Let me just say… YIPEE!.  I am not lover of hot n’ humid.  I slept like a baby last night; windows wide open, the night sounds of cicada and other, other- worldly insects that sing into the deep night.   The smell of summer softens when the heavy heat shifts.  Tho’ I’m not ready for summer to make her exit, I will joyfully welcome the spice of autumn.

 A friend of mine, sent me this in response to a question I asked yesterday.   I share it with you for your own pondering.   And I will ‘steal’ from her, her words for my own making.


“…how to live  “the rest of my life” ? — a question you’ll find yourself pondering more often as the years add up and the days get shorter.  Fate. What is that, Hey?  Good thing Happy Hour’s upon us ~it’s 5:00 Somewhere!”      Thanks Jude.


^^^  —-  ^^^  ___  ^^^  ___  


Ponder the years that add up

Days get shorter with age


Fate calls from over there

Behind the veil of tomorrow


Time is as much as it ever was

A happy hour is upon us


Drink up the moments with joy

Somewhere time is wasted


Find yourself in the question

Be the answer you always knew


Let the ‘rest of my life’ be well lived

Somewhere it’s 5:00 for the celebration


How to live is what we do each moment

“Live well and prosper” * 



*(Vulcan wisdom)




1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized


30  july  2011  >  14/5  >   Art/Alchemy/Heirophant


 Do you have faith that nothing is impossible?

What magic do you need right now and can you call it to you?

What resources do you need to gather to make your life fluid?


OH CANADA….  visiting Rachel n’ Andy in London,ON.  Talking wedding plans and giving ourselves to good food and a coupla cocktails.  Lots of laughing.  

I am reminded of the feeling of having the future bright and full of opportunity.  Decades of possibilities stretched out before you.  There is no end to the wonder of it.

Age, shifts some of that, as there aren’t decades anymore.  I’m simply not going to be a prima ballerina or a rodeo queen.   I KNOW. Right?

And… there is more life gone then there is before me.   Not a bad thing just a fact.  Opportunities are different.  The bright future is in the settling in of where you have brought yourself, and the light of you, into being at this point.  Welcoming change and letting wonder and magic still find its way into all your days.

Oh… how I could go on about this…   I welcome any comments on this.


~~~~~     ^^^^     ~~~~~     ^^^^     ~~~~~     ^^^^


Wonders never cease

They shimmer between 

the spaces of invisibility

waiting to be noticed


You bump them all the time

they glitter and glimmer

a certain magic whisper

a call into their aura of space


That place of wonder that 

wants you to notice

wants you to feel the magic

wants the shine of your light


To see into the invisible spaces

feel the shiver that comes from

the marvel of it ALL.

Ceaseless, amazing, a miracle


Wonders never cease.

they are waiting for you to notice

waiting for you to feel 

that you have always been a Wonder






1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized